Monday, July 21, 2008

On forgiveness and patience.

Ok. fuck that last post of mine. It was out of context and out of rage. i apologize.

anyway, in a sort of related topic, I went to mass last sunday by myself. Amazingly, the topic in the homily was about of patience and forgiveness. Aside from the parables, teachings and all that other stuff, the homily made me think; Am I really that patient and forgiving to others?

let us define forgiveness first.

according to Wikipedia(of all places mind you)(2008), Forgiveness is the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

What does this mean? in the simplest terms, you stopped hating the person that sinned against you and you sort of offered him another chance to redeem himself, making both you and that other person feel relieved and in a way, glad that you just lifted a heavy burden from his heart as well as yours.

I realized that... Well, although it's fine to get angry at them, but I should keep that anger at a shallow pace, rather than take it too seriously, hide it and keep it as a heavy burden on your soul. Later on this burden will continually haunt you until eventually you will either break down and become emo or do something stupid.

Personally, I dont want that to happen. especially that, even though my parents act like faggots sometimes, I gotta learn to understand them and try to adapt to their needs. maybe it's my overwhelming unwarranted self-importance is what keeps me separate from my family...

In the end, I told myself, bah forget about it. It's not like crying over spilled milk will do anything. I told myself, forgive them, they're just doing their job after all, although I still tend to be distant from them. But I know one day we'll really get to heal the wounds and become closer as parent and child.

also, side note: this my first post wherein I added tags. I'll edit my older posts later with those tags. (read: 150 posts ('')(X@_________@X)('') )

p.s.: I'll be making another new layout for this blog. It'll be based on Yuno of Hidamari Sketch, but it will still entail the tranquil mood of the current layout. ^_^

p.p.s.: I gots an exam and tons of work to do in the coming weeks... Pray for me that I could survive through it all... @___@

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Materialized @ 8:29 PM || 0 Notes

Saturday, July 19, 2008

about parental love(or shallow hatred, so to speak)

bah. it's been another long while since I last updated this blog. Oh well.

*start of rant*
ever know what it feels like not feeling the love of your parents? I'm one of those who experience it, and continue to experience it.

As in, where do you see a father who acts as if he's the superior person in the house. Yeah, the father is supposed to be the head of the household, but he shouldn't be a dictator. Same with my mom to say the least. although she's more of a loudmouth rather than a dictator. And I've been bearing a heavy burden for like what, 18 years?

I really cant take it anymore. I'm being patient for the whole time and yet they still do the same fucking mistakes. I admit, I have my faults and right now I'm trying to get back at my mistakes, but my parents don't. Actually, they're the ones who raised me and my brother in, unfortunately, bad ways. I don't really think that they have given us enough love and care, and that's the thing that I need the most. I can't really say I love my parents, mostly because of the way have treated me over the past few years.

Like I said before, I have my own faults. I'm only human. Yet they're expecting a lot from me. I can't handle that much pressure. And then they would just suddenly plan something that would be good, but they made it at the wrong time. What's worse is that they're persistent; forcing their authority on us and not allowing us to give a proper excuse. What the heck. although yes, they're parents, you should learn to respect them, but what about respect? Sorry, I'm one of those people who give respect to those who earned them. My parents didn't respect my needs and wants. I hate to be filled with unwarranted self-importance and all but, if that's how it is then fine.

The problem with my parents is that their approach to us in incorrect. They think they know my needs, but in fact they don't. I know my needs and I'm trying to express those needs to them, but somehow they ignore them and keep on insisting that what they think are my needs are the best ones for me. Well, they say parents know best. Guess what, that statement is false. Sometimes what parents think is good for their children is actually bad for the children themselves.

To cut to the chase, my parents should learn to know what we want, respect our decisions and of course not to be persistent about certain things. I believe in repentance. I know they can still change. I'm starting to change. I know very well my responsibilities. I'm trying my hardest to fix myself, although that mood of laziness still gets the best of me. I just hope they do the same. And hopefully... Everything will be alright.

*end of rant*

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Materialized @ 8:28 PM || 0 Notes

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