Sunday, September 05, 2010

Synthesis: Why did I post those last 3 entries?

Now... you guys may wonder, why the heck is this guy dedicating 3 blog posts to post like some angsty kid who just wants to let out all his rage regarding certain issues/people/himself?

Well, as stated in the titles of the series, they're just there to ease my mind, especially on the first 2 posts.. As in, those things have been plaguing me for like quite some time now. Some I've already forgotten, but others just keep on persisting. I don't want trash like that to clog up what's in my brain right now, heck no. I just want my mind to be free from unnecessary thoughts. One way to do it is by what I just did: blog about it. Write down all those things plaguing my mind and let them go in the process, just placing them there. At least it made my mind and subsequently my heart at ease.

Another reason is because I don't want my voice to be unheard, specifically on the second post. Freedom of speech so to speak. I don't want my mouth to be censored by duct tape. Yes, I may be blunt and straight to the point but I need to express myself. I don't want my opinions to be locked up inside a cage in my mind for long, I need to express it. And a good way to express those is through this blog.

In closing, the aforementioned reasons are my reasons why I posted those entries. It's up to you guys if you would accept my reasons, but in all honesty, that's the truth. I just don't want stuff to be stuck in my brain for long. and it's getting tiresome to constantly think of those kinds of things.

Well that wraps up this series of blog rants. I'll be updating the blog layout soon, it's been like months since I last updated it. durr~.

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Materialized @ 9:52 PM || 0 Notes

Random Ramblings just to give me peace of mind: PART 3

Now for this last part, this is more focused on Self-Criticism. Yep. I'll be flaming myself. You might think that this is weird, but it is important for yourself to know what are your own weaknesses and flaws and acknowledge them, as well as thinking of what to do to about those things.

It's not really a matter of pride, but rather it's an issue of accepting yourself and doing something about your problems. I'll be as honest and blunt as possible here. It's my own problems anyway, so I gotta face them like a man. No point in running away since this is my life anyway, so it's inevitable. It can't be helped.

Yeah, I'm overweight. by around 12lbs. And yeah, my beer belly is starting to bulge again. I needs more exercise. >_>

I have a lot of bad habits and mannerisms. Although some have been resolved but there are some that are just too... persistent. It's personally getting on my nerves, but then again force of habit, etc.

Am I pushing myself too hard when it comes my ideas? Everytime I present those ideas of mine, I tend to insist on it as if it was the correct idea and that everyone else's ideas are wrong. I know that there are no right and wrong ideas, but it seems that due to my persistence and my superiority complex, it's as if I keep on saying to everyone that everything I say is right and their ideas are wrong, which in my view is f. stupid.

I facepalm so hard because of this flaw of mine.

And probably one my biggest obstacles is my laziness. Yes. I suffer from a strong case of sloth. I'm too lazy and too unmotivated to do anything, although right now I have SOME motivation in the form of dreams and challenges, but that is not enough to make me less lazier than now.

and... vid effing related. LOL.

Paranoia.... I easily get paranoid, especially if people are giving me the cold shoulder. To the point that I might end up punching the person giving me that cold shoulder.

I need to learn to communicate more effectively with other people. Most of the time I'm just silent, but when it comes to online forums and blogs, I'm as noisy as heck. I need to transfer that noisiness IRL, not just limit it to the internet. o_O

Oh and one more thing, I keep on saying "later, later". Why delay when I can just do it immediately? That's probably the reason why I can't really resolve most of these weaknesses and flaws that I have. I keep on delaying it for whatever reason. What.


All for now. I'm pretty sure there are more but, for now this will do. probably I'll edit this post if ever. It may be a few, but these are the weaknesses and flaws that I have. I admit that I do/have all of these and I'm really a flawed person after all. Then again, who isn't. I just hope and pray that Imay have the strength, inspiration and determination to resolve all these things...

Final post after this: Synthesis: Why did I post all these things?

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Materialized @ 4:43 PM || 0 Notes

Random Ramblings just to give me peace of mind: PART 2

Now, if the previous post dealt with whatever bullshit I noticed to my friends or whatever crap my friends are throwing out towards me, this one is more on certain things that some people, not limited to my friends want me to do, as well as some opinions on some current issues in this country that are somewhat affecting me and my work at this very moment. Expect things to be shorter though.

Once again, feel free to comment if you have some clarifications/violent reactions.

Clubbing? No thanks. I don't really mingle much with the elite and the privileged. I'd rather party with the poor and the simple people. The proletariat, so to speak. Besides, I'm not really into clubbing, I'm more into street and rave parties. At least I get to meet all sorts of people there and what not. Besides, if you're gonna say that "club for the sake of socializing!", still no thanks. There are other places to socialize. Bars, concerts, heck even in the arcade I can socialize.

Smoking? I don't want to get lung cancer this early in my life. So no thanks. And no, as much as possible I must avoid second or third hand smoke. I don't want my lungs to deteriorate faster.

One reason why I don't always stick in the same places all the time is because I want variety in life. That's why I don't stay stuck at the house, or at school, or at the internet cafe. I go to the arcade, I go malls, in short,  I try to find time to go to place that I always wanted to go, provided I have enough money of course LOL. As long as I get to experience what it's like to go places through public transportation, I'm more or less satisfied~

The recent hostage situation? Both the Police and the Media are at fault.

The Police are at fault for not able to handle the situation as carefully and as strictly as possible. Heck, looking at the video, the police are doing very stupid things during the rescue event. Still lol'd at the Sledgehammer going into the bus and the policeman placed his hand into the bus to retrieve it. That was funny yet stupid. Heck. This only proves the incompetency of our Philippine National Police.

The media are at fault here as well. They showed a full Blow-by-Blow coverage of the event, without knowing that the hostage taker may be watching the entire fiasco on the TV inside the bus. The media was also "smart" enough to show the current locations of the police and their actions. Awesome, right? And the best part is, the media claims that they are "restraining" themselves, when in fact as seen from the events, they did not. What the heck.

And now, people are now throwing rocks at each other, blaming each other for this mess. And looks like the Filipinos might have to face the angry community in Hong Kong because of this. If the government can't do something about this soon, we might end up facing China in a losing war, more or less.

Communism? No Thanks. It doesn't mean everything is equal means it's fair. Also, individualism and human rights. That's something I do not see in communist nations.

Oh yeah btw, it doesn't mean a guy liks anime merchandise and sometimes bring them along with him means a person is an otaku. Know him more before you judge. Actually, stereotyping a person is f. stupid and useless. Every person in unique in one way or another. Please understand.

Meh. Too lazy to add any more, but I guess that covers it. I'll add some more should those things pop up again.

Next Post: Part 3: Self Criticism.

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Materialized @ 2:12 PM || 0 Notes

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Random Ramblings just to give me peace of mind: PART 1

lol. It's been nearly a month since that place holder post of mine. I've become too addicted to plurk to be quite honest. Anyway, lately a lot of things have happened to me for the past month or so. Some of those things made me change the way I view at some of my close friends.

But meh, tonight, I'll be posting a LOT of blunt and probably harsh criticism just to give myself some peace of mind. I hate having these things loitering in my mind too much and I hate it if I can't say these things out loud in the open. So yeah, although I might end up getting flamed due to this, I just want to get this out of my head. Please bear with me and forgive me if I'm aggressive/rude/hateful in this post.

Note: I won't say the names, but if you got hit by one of the following statements, I apologize and feel free to hit back at the comment post. Freedom of Speech, after all. We have our right to our own opinion anyway. And if have any clarifications/concerns just leave it in the comment field.

Saatte... Hajimemashou!

You did tell me you have a problem with me, but the problem is unclear even to yourself. Maybe you're suffering from paranoia perhaps? Or maybe you're just insecure whenever you see me or something? Also, honestly I don't understand about me being in the "grey area" with regards to the people whom you like/hate. isn't that... normal? Since there will always be characteristics of a person that one can specifically like or hate.

I hate cynical, ignorant and apathetic people. Period. They're one of the reasons why this country could not prosper and probably one of the reasons why there are people still suffering. You can be cynical all you want, but please, DON'T SHOVE IT TO THE FACES OF THOSE WHO ARE GENEROUS AND KIND-HEARTED. Domo Arigatou Gozaimasu.

And yeah, to be blunt and honest, with the exception of a few people, I easily get bad vibes from people who are cynical/apathetic/ignorant.

Oh btw, stop making things worse for him. He's already suffering enough. Don't make him suffer any more. Your intentions were once good, but your somewhat taking it a bit too far right now.

You know dude, winning is not always the most important the most important thing in life. Why do you keep expecting to win in each and every game that you play? Is winning that important to you? Sometimes you have
to experience loss, and losing is no excuse to cry over spilled milk. Why do you keep on blaming others when you and your team loses a match? It's just a game, no need to get serious over it unless it is REALLY a matter of life and death. Just have fun. If you lost, learn from it and do better next time. If you won, don't let it make your head grow big and be happy about it.

One of the reasons why they make fun of you right now is because of how you act. You used to be a cool guy. You tend to give out actually decent advice to people and you're really a great person when it comes to computer games. And yet here you are, not being open to everyone and thinking that the entire world is yours and the world revolves around you. What the flying fuck. Remember you are just a speck of dust in the universe. The damn universe is not yours. Therefore not everything will go as you have planned. Just remember three things when it comes to what happens to you: Karma, Murphy's Law, and most importantly, the Will of God.

Also, why the fuck are you still being emo about a lot of things that have happened in the past? Why not just stand up from that damn corner of yours, be at peace with whatever happened to you back then, dust yourself and move on? The process is hard, but you can't just stay stuck there forever ya know, you'll end up wandering endlessly without any direction whatsoever. You might even end up being dead without any useful contribution to the people around you and to the world.

Besides, instead of mourning about it, why not learn from it instead? Even the greatest of men fall from the top of the mountain some time in their lives. And Experience is the best teacher. So what if you've fallen once? That's not excuse for you to hide in a corner forever. Man the fuck up. Learn from those mistakes, move on and be awesome for once.

Oh btw, Fix your issue about pride. It's alright to have some pride, but at least have some space for some humility for once, mmkay? :3

You, on the other hand, have some of the same issues as the guy above, except for the pride part, only this time, you got problems not only with your parents, and with your culture, but also, with yourself as well. (This is going to be a lengthier one, I can say)

I wonder why do you still cling to your parents even though you are more or less distant towards them and they only treat you as a sort of an object rather than a beloved daughter. As in, they already oppress you and they;re trying to force what they want into you and yet you still stick onto them? And yet here you are lionizing them and even going as far as helping them because "you pity them". What. Make up your mind for once.

Another thing about you is that you tend to easily change your mind. It's starting to piss me off badly. If you're gonna decide on something, please don't be indecisive, and next time if you decided not to go on with one of my plans, please tell me BEFORE the day of the plan itself. It's f. difficult for me to adjust even the most loose of plans since you took me by surprise with your sudden change of mind. Once again, God damn it make up your mind please.

And sometimes your words confuse me. Your choice of words sometimes makes me misunderstand what you really mean and can lead me to bad consequences. Sometimes you even end up contradicting yourself. What the heck. Make up your mind. Fix how you express yourself. At the very least, explain yourself as clearly and as briefly as possible.

Another thing, I wonder if you really chose carefully who your "friends" are. We can't really say for sure if one is really a friend if he just knows you by chance and just talks to you about random stuff without delving deeper into who you are. In fact, we're not even sure if you are showing your true self to your "friends". What.

Speaking of your true self, have you reflected on who you really are? You keep on insisting that you are a sponge, and yet you also say that you are somewhat critical and you know what to choose and what to avoid. What. You really contradicted yourself there and because of this it really made me ask this again: Do you REALLY know who you REALLY are? Reflect on that. Reflect on what really makes you who you really are. Never be afraid to ask what do you want, what do you like, what do you hate, what do you REALLY think about your friends, your relatives, your culture. Know yourself better. You still have time. It's not yet too late.

Also, why are you so afraid of venturing outside your comfort zones? Peer pressure from your peers? Afraid of things that might happen to you? Unfamiliar places/people? Meh. If you keep on falling into any of those, you won't be able to meet new people at all. Don't be too paranoid about the dangers of going to places, sure there is some risk, but if you're vigilant enough, I'm sure it won't happen that much. Regarding peer pressure, screw that. It's your own life, they have no right to say where you go and with whom you want to go with. And with regards to unfamiliar places/people, don't be afraid to ask and to meet up with random people just to show you the way to where you are supposed to go. Besides, you can always ask out me or the others if you want to go some place else. Point is, don't stay stuck with the same people in the same places. Expand your realm, go explore. Nothing will be lost except some time and money anyway. Expand your horizons and don't just limit yourself within that box of yours.

Please stop pressuring me to do something, especially if it is concerning finding a girlfriend. That whole "get a girl within 6 weeks or less" thing? That was a damn joke. Stop taking it seriously damn it. Let me do things at my own pace. Okay? I hope this makes things clear.

That'll be all for now. I might end up editing this post sooner or later just to see if there are additional rants that I might've forgotten. Again, I'm just doing this just to clear my head of all these things so that I won't feel guilty of not airing them. If you got some problems/clarifications/violent reactions, just say it to me via private plurk, through ym or through this blog, either via the cbox or the comment field.

next up is Part 2: my thoughts and opinions on some matters.

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Materialized @ 8:24 PM || 0 Notes

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